Plus Zero*: Vegetarian Bulgogi

(*plus zero: when you don’t have to get any exotic ingredients to make a **k-fabulous dish.)

(**k-fabulous: a word I just made up which means Korean fabulous. I really should be a poet or something.)

I like to think of myself as a part time vegan.

If you’re thinking “hey, if you’re a part time vegan, that means you’re not vegan because you’re eating meat/dairy half the time!!”, in response, I will launch on a long,obnoxious, self-referential diatribe, such as: “The extent to which our present society conceptualizes dietary paradigms — indeed, any paradigms –reflects antiquated standards of unassailable boundaries between constructed dichotomies… Any quantiative researcher knows that arbitrary determination of cutoff points will differentially impact effect sizes and not necessarily in the direction that is most free of artifactual bias or conducive to producing salutatory outcomes in behaviors of populations.”

Right? Right.

So anyhow, I am a part time vegan and that makes me totally sensitive to all kinds of considerations. Unless I’m going for dim sum. I am sorry, if people are going to dim sum and you announce your vegetarianism, that’ just annoying. Be Chinese. Do the right thing. Eat that pork-crab-shark-egg-thing. But Korean food? Korean food is great for vegetarians and vegans! There is naturally zero dairy occurring in traditional Korean fare, so if you’re only avoiding meat, Korean is an amazingly accommodating cuisine. But considering the fact that Korean barbeque is really famous and popular here (and deservedly so), I wish non-meat-eating folks had the opportunity to enjoy something similar. Actually, I wish meat-eating folks had the opportunity to enjoy the following recipe — a way of producing totally meaty, juicy, charred awesomeness minus the guilt of cholesterol-raising, carbon-footprint-leaving, calorific red meat consumption.

What’s better than that?

I’ll tell you what’s better… if you don’t need to trek out to any exotic food store! Everything you need is either in your fridge/pantry, or in the neighborhood white people grocery store. It’s a plus-zero recipe! Applause please.

Despite the fact that ‘vegetarian bulgogi’ is an oxymoron because the ‘gogi‘ in ‘bulgogi‘ means meat, I’m running with this somewhat made-up idea because it produces easy yumminess. Mushrooms are actually  a fairly standard ingredient in regular ol’ Korean barbeques. Sliced enoki or button mushrooms are simmered with the meat in the light broth or grilled alongside. In this dish, however, mushrooms are the stars, the main attraction. I think the texture they produce when they are charred is hauntingly meat-like.

 

Vegetarian Bulgogi 

Ingredients

• 1 lb any combination of mushrooms (if you can get shiitake, awesome!)
• 1 block extra firm tofu, cubed into bite size pieces
• Half an onion, sliced thinly
• A medium carrot, sliced thinly
• Vegetable oil
• Chopped scallions for garnish

For the sauce:

• 1/2 cup soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon sesame oil
• 2 tablespoons cooking wine (any kind is okay, really)
• 1/2 cup of chopped scallions
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 tablespoons minced garlic
• 1/2 tablespoon chili sauce (of any kind… I used sriracha!)
• 1 teaspoon vinegar (of any kind)
• 1 teaspoon ground pepper

Mix all the sauce ingredients together in a bowl.

Whatever mixture of mushrooms you have, cut them into bite size pieces. Brush any visible dirt off of them with a paper towel or something, but don’t let them touch any water! The tofu also has to be dry. Drain the tofu well, try to squeeze as much water out of it as possible without crushing it. The trick I use is to wrap the block of tofu with dry paper towels and squeeze it gently by applying pressure from both sides with my two palms until no more water runs out of it.  After cutting them up into bite-sized cubes, pat dry them with some more paper towels.  Cut the half onion into thin-ish rings and cloves of  garlic into thin slices, as thin as you could get them.

Heat up some oil in a non-stick pan until it gets very, very hot and put the mushrooms and cubes of tofu in a single layer. You should hear them hit the pan and hiss and sizzle. Cook the mushrooms and tofu on high heat — and this is important — don’t stir or do anything for the first 60 seconds! Let it brown and char on one side completely before you carefully flip them to brown either sides. This achieves the meaty, chewy texture.  Cook them on high heat until all the tofu cubes and mushroom are browned. Again — if you stir or flip them too often, they won’t brown properly! Patience!

Remove the contents of the pan from the pan. Still on high heat, add a little more oil and the onions as well as sliced carrots to the party and cook for another 2-3  minutes, just until they are lightly cooked but retain their crunchiness.

Pour in the sauce. Let it all bubble up for a minute, scraping all the brown bits from the bottom of the pan and turn down the heat to a simmer. Then, add the mushroom+tofu+onion mixture and toss in the pan to combine. Cook the whole mixture for 4-5 more minutes, stirring occasionally, so that the syrupy sauce boils down, caramelizing and coating all the ingredients with a glorious burnished gloss. It’s about done when all the liquidy stuff has been absorbed and things kind of look dry. Grind in some more black pepper to the party, add a few drops of sesame oil if you’d like, and toss one last time. It’s done!

Put on a plate and spinkle with lots of sliced scallions and some sesame seeds, if you have any. Gobble up hungrily with steamed rice and a salad. I’m not saying you need to serve kimchi with this, but… it would be pretty effing perfect if you had some.

It’s really, really, really good. And Korean.

And you don’t need a single thing you can’t get from the local Shaw’s.

Make it.

Tonight. Please.

Thanks.

Love,

Plus One Cook

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